Life is a gagreel
by trix1015
Summary: one shots in the lives of our heros... well the funny parts anyway. Co-writting with foreverDPgirf. mostly Robin centered
1. Impressions of Batman

Impressions of Batman

Dick, Barbra, and Tim sat around the bat-cave, laughing till they were blue in the face. They were doing their best and funniest impressions of the Justice League. They were on Superman. Dick took his pose and spoke in his best Superman voice. "I'm Superman, the world's greatest superhero that wares his undies on the wrong side of my uniform that looks like a red and blue Popsicle."

Tim and Barbra cracked up. The joke wasn't all that funny, but it just goes to show how tired they were. Dick continued. He thrust his fist out like he was about to fly off. "To infinity and beyond!"

Tim was holding his stomach and trying not to fall off his chair at the same time. Barbra had tears in her eyes. "Oh my gosh, Dick. If this is what you do when we are on call, I'd hate to think what you do in your spare time." Barbra said wiping away the tears.

"Simple, I do my impressions of Batman." Dick said with a smirk.

Tim's smile grew. "Do it!" He begged.

Dick smiled and cleared his throat. His face changed to a fake brooding expression. When he spoke, his voice took on a gravelly base quality. "I'm Batman."

Barbra and Tim busted out laughing. Dick didn't stop. "I make common criminals pee their pants." Tim had finally fallen out of his chair. Dick joined them as their laughed echoed through the cave, making the sound of the zeta tub. Barbra and Tim suddenly stopped laughing and Dick felt a presence behind him. In the same voice he had been using, Dick spoke, "He's right behind me isn't he?"

"Yes," said Bruce's dark baritone. Dick turned slowly and came face-to-face with the Dark Knight himself. There was no evidence of amusement on his face.

"Hey," Dick cleared his throat when he realized he was still using his 'batman' voice. "Hey Bruce, I didn't hear you come in. How did patrol go?" Dick smiled hopping to distract Bruce but he knew it wouldn't work.

"1) I do not talk like that and 2) Superman says up, up, and away." Bruce turned and walked away, leaving the gapping teens behind.

They stared at Bruce's retreating form, not knowing what to do. Suddenly Tim spoke. "Did he just make a joke?"

**This was so funny but I can't take credit. My little sister came up with the plot with her best friend Watersong77, I just added the details. foreverDPgirf and I will be co-writing this. Hope you like. REVIEW!**

** -Trix1015**


	2. Poker Face

Poker Face

It was team bonding time and they were stuck sitting in the entertainment room playing poker. Robin had taught them, though why a thirteen year old would know how to play it in the first place was beyond them. Their chips were small pieces of candy. Robin, Wally and Artemis were the ones left in the game. Wally threw in some skittles. He smiled smugly at Artemis. "Your turn, Arty."

"Call me Arty one more time, Baywatch, and I will shove my arrow where the sun don't shine." She looked at her hand. She had a Four of a Kind and judging by Wally's horrible poker face, he thought he had a pretty good hand.

"You going to fold _Arty_?" Wally asked, accenting Arty as much as he could.

"Nope," Artemis replied.

"Well, show us what you got."

"You first, Baywatch."

Wally's smirk deepened. "Full House!" He said as he slammed his cards down on the coffee table.

Artemis whistled, "That's a good hand Wallace, but sadly it's just not good enough." She laid her cards down. "Four of a Kind."

Wally's face fell, "How do you keep getting better hands?" He cried.

"Let's face it; I just have more skills than you do." Artemis said shrugging her shoulders.

"Psh, yeah right, you cheated." Wally accused.

"No I didn't." Artemis cried defending herself.

"Yes you did, the probability of you getting that hand is-"

Artemis stood up. "You're just mad that I keep beating you."

Wally stood up to match her toe-to-toe. "I can't help it that you sit there and say nothing, silently plotting our deaths."

Artemis crossed her arms. "What can I say, I'm silent but deadly."

Wally smirked. "So, you're a fart?"

Robin suddenly busted out laughing. Artemis looked at Wally in disgusted. "That is so gross."

Robin caught his breath. "I'm sorry Artemis but you walked right into that one." He said still giggling.

"Whatever, I still win." She reached down to scoop up her "winnings".

"Stop right there Arty." Robin said calmly.

She turned and looked at him. "What?" She asked curtly.

"Did you forget that I was still playing?"

"Sorry," she said and she sat down.

Robin looked down at his cards and back at the others'. "Are you going to lay them down or what?"

Robin let out a small smile. He turned his cards around. "Royal Flush."

Artemis and Wally looked at the boy wonder in awe. "How in the freaking world did you get a Royal Flush?" Wally asked.

Robin sat back with his hands behind his head. "You guys just can't handle my awesomeness."

"You had to have cheated. There is no way you could have got that." Artemis cried.

Robin leaned forward. "I didn't cheat. This is a game of chance and mathematics. I just calculate what my chances are with each hand and if they are good enough, I go for it." He reached down and gathered up his candy. "Now if you will excuse me, I 'm going to go eat these before Batman gets here." Robin flipped over the couch and disappeared.

"You guys do realize that you just gave sugar to hyperactive acrobat." Conner said in an I-could-careless-but-I-thought-you-should-know tone.

Artemis and Wally looked at each other. "We are so dead." Wally muttered.

They both shot up and ran after the boy wonder. "Robin, give me back that candy." Artemis yelled. Her only response was his signature laugh.


	3. Thriller

Thriller

Batman sat at the watchtower computer, bored out of his mind, though he will NEVER admit it. Robin was next to him, annoying the crap out of him. Again, he will NEVER admit it. "Please, Bruce, just this once. No one's here to see us."

"No."

"Please, I'll shut down all the cameras and the audio to the room." Robin clasped his hands together and puppy-dog-eyed him. Batman could feel his resolve failing.

He sighed. "You'll turn off ALL the cameras?" Robin nodded enthusiastically, "All right, but just this once."

Robin jumped in the air and fist pumped. "YES!" He ran to the stereo and pressed play. Batman stood as Michael Jackson's Thriller blasted from the speakers. Robin stood beside him and they both twitched their heads at the same time. They moved in sync to the beat of the music. They executed every move perfectly and they hit every mark. Batman would NEVER admit it but he was actually having fun. Leaving it to Robin to find a way to cheer him up when he needed it.

The song ended and there was a sudden applause behind them. Batman whirled around and saw the other members of the original seven, Black Canary, Green Arrow, Red Arrow, and the team all applauding and whistling for the finished dance. Many of them had their phones out and had recorded the whole thing. "Wow, Bats, who knew you, could dance?" Green Arrow said still clapping.

Batman stood there, horrified. He heard a chuckle beside him. He turned and saw Robin covering his mouth with his hands. _That little troll, he just…_ Batman glared down at the boy. _Oh he is so going to get it. _

Robin grinned up at his mentor, but the smile vanished at his expression. His eyes widened as he read one word in his face, _run. _He complied. "SCATTER!" He shouted to the spectators as he sprinted pass them. They took one look at the fuming bat and did exactly as they were told.

"ROBIN!" Batman's shout echoed through the Watchtower and it was soon followed by said boy's signature cackle.


	4. Cemeteries

Cemeteries

Party Rock Anthem blasted through the speakers as Roy, Wally, and Dick drove through down town Star City after just coming back from the movies. The song had started playing on the radio and Wally had turned the volume up all the way. Now both Wally and Dick were singing along. Roy was trying to drive, but both boys were bouncing the car, making it difficult. He had finally had enough and did the unspeakable…he turned the radio off.

"Roy!" Wally whined.

"Why'd you turn it off?" Dick asked leaning around the passenger seat.

"You two were making the car bounce. We could have gotten into a crash."

"No we couldn't," Wally said. "You can't get into a crash by bouncing the car."

"Whatever, I'm trying to drive and you two are distracting me." Roy said.

"Cemetery, DON'T BREATHE!" Dick cried and he clamped a hand over his nose and mouth as the car rolled to a stop next to the cemetery. Roy and Wally looked at the thirteen-year-old puzzled.

"What?" Wally asked. Dick shook his head. His cheeks were already turning red.

"Dick, what are you doing?" Roy asked, looking at him from the rearview mirror. Dick shook his head. He pointed at the cemetery next to them.

Wally followed his finger. "The cemetery?" Dick nodded. "What about it?"

Dick rolled his eyes. He hit his head against the head rest of his seat. _Stupid light, change already, _He really needed to breath now. His face turned redder.

"Dude, just breathe." Wally said. Dick shook his head again. Finally the light turned green and the car began to move. Once the cemetery was out of sight, Dick gasped. He sucked in some desperately needed air.

"What was that about?" Wally asked turning in his seat to look at the oxygen-deprived child.

"My dad used to say that when you go by a cemetery, you have to hold your breath or you'll get ghosts up your nose."

"Ghosts up your nose?" Roy asked raising his eyebrow in a very Spock-like fashion.

"Yeah, John didn't believe it either. Then he started sneezing for like five minutes." Dick said.

"Yeah right," Wally scoffed then he started sneezing.

Dick pointed at him, "See, see, I told you! Wally's got ghosts up his nose!" Dick leaned in close to the ginger. "Soul stealer," he whispered.

Wally pushed Dick back in his seat. "I don't have demons up my nose."

"Not demons, ghosts. Demons come out your butt." Dick replied.

The two gingers looked at each other. "Dick, how much sugar have you had?" Wally asked a little scared.

"Just a snickers," Dick said.

"Well, don't do that anymore. I don't think Bruce would appreciate it if you suffocated because you were playing this game." Roy said. He really didn't want to have to deal with Daddy bats if that happened on his watch.

"It's not a game and Bruce does it with me." Dick said. The gingers looked at each other in shock.

"Bruce plays that with you?" Wally asked in disbelief.

"Yes, considering what happened last time." Dick said.

Roy looked at him. "What happened last time?"

"We passed by Gotham cemetery and Bruce started sneezing. I freaked out and when we got home, I tried to perform an exorcism on him."

Wally busted out laughing. "You did that to Bruce?"

"No, to Batman," Dick said.

Roy slammed on the brakes and they all lurched forward. "You tried to perform an exorcism on THE Batman?!" he cried turning in his seat.

Dick shrugged, "He thought it was funny."

Roy and Wally looked at each other in fear. The Batman thought an exorcism was funny. Dick started laughing. They both looked at the boy who was laughing like a mad man in the back seat. "Roy, I'm scared." Wally whispered.

"Me too, Wally," Roy said turning back to the road. "Me too."

**Ok, for the demons coming out of your butt thing, just think about it. Demons leave behind sulfur and sulfur smells like rotten eggs. Get it? **


	5. Shaving Cream

Shaving Cream

The oak door slowly opened and light rushed into the dark. A figure stuck its head through the crack to observe the sleeping man. The light snores coming from the king size bed made the shadow grin as it crept to the edge of the bed. Bruce was dead asleep with his hair in his eyes and his mouth slightly open. His left hand hung slightly over the edge, an easy target for the trickster. The grin grew as the shadow shook the object in his hand. He gently squeezed the top and white foam cascaded into Bruce's opened hand. Depositing the can on the night stand, Dick hurried around to the other side of the bed. He pulled out a feather duster that he snuck from Alfred and plucked a feather. Snickering, Dick ran the feather across Bruce's cheek. Bruce snored, but didn't wake up. Dick tickled the feather on Bruce's scratched his nose with his right hand but still didn't wake up. Dick tried one more time when Bruce suddenly moved.

SMACK!

Dick found himself with a face full of shaving cream. Bruce's booming laughter filled the room as Dick tried to wipe away the shaving cream. "Oh, haha very funny," He said.

"It was hilarious." Bruce replied chuckling. "That's what happens when you try to prank the Batman."

"Yeah well," Dick said still wiping away the cream. "You're not Batman right now. I'll get you back you know."

"You can try." Bruce said as he got up and headed toward his closet.

"Yeah, whatever, I'm going to go wash this stuff off. It's starting to burn my eyes." Bruce laughed again as Dick headed toward the door. Dick paused when Bruce grabbed the knob of the closet, a knowing smirk forming on his face. Bruce opened the door and was hit in the face by and tin pie pan filled with shaving cream.

Dick howled with laughter as Bruce stood there shocked. Dick ran out the door cackling. "Master Dick, don't you dare get shaving cream all over the carpet." Alfred called to the boy as he walked into Bruce's room. He handed Bruce a towel.

"The boy is going to be the death of me." Bruce said as he wiped away the shaving cream.

"You and me both sir," Alfred said as he cleaned up what little shaving cream landed on the floor. "But you have to admit, sir, it was rather funny"

Bruce looked at his old friend with a pleading look, "You, too Alfred?"

Alfred turned and looked at his charge, amusement sparkling in his eyes. "Of course sir, who do you think supplied him with the shaving cream?"


	6. Commodian

Commodian

Wally scratched out yet another wrong answer on his Trig work sheet. Rubbing his eyes he looked back at the word problem. _Given that x is in the first quadrant and sin x is 1, what is csc x?_ "SCREW THIS!" he shouted in frustration, throwing his arms up and tossing the pencil up in the air. It landed on the work sheet, leaving a good sized mark on the middle of the paper. He grabbed his orange hair and tugged with all his might.

Robin was sitting next to him, laptop perched on his lap. He snickered at Wally's antics. Artemis rolled her eyes and continued cleaning her bow and arrows for the umpteenth time.

Wally's eyes grew wet and blurry. It was him nearly pulling his hair out and NOT from frustration. "My brain hurts."

"What brain?" Artemis remarked. Robin chuckled quietly.

Wally looked up from his position on the floor and glared at her. "Oh Hardy har har, you're such a commodian."

Artemis looked at him confused when Robin busted out laughing. They both looked at him with bewildered looks but that made him laugh harder. "WHAT'S SO FUNNY?" Wally cried his voice cracking.

Robin caught his breath, "Do you know what you just called her?"

"No, what?"

Robin wiped his eyes from underneath his glasses. "Wally, do you know what a commode is?"

"No, what is it?" Wally snapped, going increasingly impatient.

Robin looked at his friend with an eyebrow raised and a smile on his face. "Wally, a commode is another name for a toilet."

"So?"

"The suffix –ain at the end of a place means that someone is a native to that place. So, someone who is a commodian is native to a toilet." Robin said slowly but Wally still had a confused expression on his face. Robin rolled his eyes again. "You pretty much just called Artemis a piece of crap."

Robin saw the light bulb go off in Wally's head, but it was soon replaced by horror. He glanced over at Artemis as Robin started laughing again. Artemis's face was red with anger. "I'd run if I were you." Robin said between breaths. Wally took off like a bullet with an angry archer on his tail.

"BAYWATCH, YOU ARE SSSSOOOO DEAD!"

"I'M SORRY!"

BREAKLINE

**Haha ok to let you all know, this was a conversation that I had with my little sister. I'll let you guess who didn't know what a commode was. **


	7. Phone Tapped

**Okay before we commence with the laughter, here a warning. There may be something in here that you find offensive. If you do I apologize and please don't take it personally. It was not written to offend anyone. It is purely for humor. Carry on.**

Phone tapped

Wally was lounging around the Mountain. What could he say, it was a Saturday and he didn't feel like doing anything, sue him. He was currently siting in the entertainment room. His feet were propped up on the coffee table, a bag of chips in one hand and a science magazine in the other. Conner sat next to him on the couch, watching the static. Suddenly, Wally's phone rang. He picked it up and glanced at the caller id, unknown name and number. Puzzled, he answered.

BREAKLINE

Artemis walked by Robin's open door when she heard him laughing. Curious, she knocked on the door. "What are you going?" She asked the giggling boy wonder. He was sitting at his freakishly clean desk. The radio was set on 96.1 and he had his phone in his hand.

Robin shushed her, "Just listen," he told her and he put the phone to his ear.

The radio station's host started speaking. "So we are on the phone with Rob, who has a friend named Wally ho is a Flash fanatic. It's so bad it could be close to fangirl status. He ordered a case of Flash underwear and he has been waiting anxiously for it, am I correct Rob?"

"Yes, that's correct." Robin said into his phone. Artemis heard his response come from the radio. So Robin was talking to a talk show host about Wally and…Flash underwear? Artemis raised an eyebrow at Robin, who held up a finger telling her to wait. She shrugged and laid down on his bed.

The host continued. "So what we are going to do is call Wally and pretend to be an employee of the company he ordered from and tell him that we messed up his order and Rob here is going to help us out, right?"

"Yep," Robin said.

"Alright then, Rob, go ahead and give him a call."

"Okay," Robin said and pulled his phone away and dialed Wally's number.

ANOTHER BREAKLINE

"Hello?" Wally answered.

"Wally, it's me." Robin said.

"Oh, hey man, what's up?"

"Um, Wally, I got a call from some guy that sells superhero undies and he said needed to talk to you about your order. 'You want to tell me what that's about?"

Wally face-palmed, "Oh sorry, dude, I must have given them your number by mistake."

"Whatever, it doesn't matter. I've got him on the other line and I can link you up if you want."

"Oh yeah, sure, go ahead."

Wally heard a click and another male's voice came on. "Hello, is this Wally West?"

"It is."

"Hi my name is Guy Michaels, I am aware that you ordered some Flash underwear."

"Yes I did."

"I was wondering if I could get the address of where to send it and the name of the person who will be receiving it."

"Oh yeah, I'll be receiving it and-"

"You?" 'Guy Michaels' asked in confusion.

"Yes, me, why?" Wally asked back.

"Well I just assumed you'd want to send them to a girlfriend or something."

"Why would I want to do that?" Wally asked confused.

"I just thought, since you ordered female underwear, you'd-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Wally said sitting forward in his seat. "What do you mean 'female underwear'?"

"You ordered female underwear." 'Guy' stated.

"I did not order female underwear."

"Uh, yes you did."

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did."

"No, I didn't!"

"You specifically ordered pink Flash Underwear."

"No I ordered briefs Flash underwear."

"That's not what you said."

Wally stood up in frustration, spilling the bag of chips. Conner glanced over for a moment before turning back to his static. "I know what I said and it wasn't 'pink Flash undies' and I will not pay for it if you-"

"It's already been paid for and shipped."

"Then stop the shipment!" Wally yelled in frustration.

"Can't, sorry."

Wally's grip on his phone tightened as he screamed. "You- who is your manager, I want to talk to someone who actually knows how to do the job."

"Excuse me?! This wouldn't be happening if you were straight." 'Guy' retorted.

"What?!" Wally screamed into the receiver. "You did NOT just call me gay!"

"Straight guys don't order pink Flash Undies!"

"I DIDN'T, YOU SCREWED UP THE ORDER!"

Click.

"Hello?" Wally said in to the receiver. "Oh, you did not just hang up on me!"

HEY LOOK ANOTHER BREAKLINE

Laughter filled Robin's room. Artemis was rolling around on Robin's bed, clutching her stomach. Robin was trying his hardest to not fall out of his chair. They heard the sound of a phone ringing and the host answered. Wally's voice rang out from the speakers. "Did you just hang up on me?!"

"I don't know did it sound something like this?" the host said calmly before hanging up. Robin and Artemis fell into hysterics.

"Rob, you still there?" The host asked.

Robin put the phone to his ear, trying to control his laughter, "Yeah."

"Do you think he'll call back?"

"I hope so."

Suddenly the phone rang again ant the host answered, "Hello?"

"DUDE! YOU FREAKING HANG UP ON ME AGAIN AND I'LL COME OVER THERE AND-"

"Wally!" The host interrupted.

"WHAT!?"

"This is Elvis Duran from the Power 961 Morning Show and you just got phone tapped."

There was silence for a few minutes before Wally replied with a very intelligent, "Huh?"

"You've just be phone tapped."

"What?"

"Your buddy Rob helped us phone tap you."

Robin's laughter filled the speakers before the sound of rushing air. "Dude, not cool!"

**HaHa this was perfect. I listen to Power 96.1 and they do this phone tap thing a lot so I thought Wally would be the perfect victim for this. **


	8. Slenderman

Slenderman

"So what is this game about?" Dick asked as the title page came up.

Wally sat down next to him on the couch with a bag of potato chips. "Basically you have to collect all eight pages before Slenderman gets you." He said munching on the chips.

"Okay, who is this Slenderman?"

"He is this freakishly tall dude with no face, wearing a suit."

Dick looked over at Wally with a raised eyebrow, "Seriously?"

"Hey, don't make fun. He's a lot scarier than you think."

Dick just rolled his eyes and started the game. His character appeared in the middle of a dark forest. "Why am I in a forest?"

"I think the Slenderman legend originated in some forest in Germany. I don't remember where though." Dick moved his character forward and came to a stone pillar. "Why is there a giant stone pillar in the middle of a forest?"

"I don't know, just the way they made it." Wally said looking over Dick's shoulder.

Dick walked around the pillar and found a page." Hey look, here's one. 'Always watches, no eyes.' Well that's creepy." Suddenly there was a loud booming noise. "What was that?" Dick asked looking around.

"It's Slenderman," Wally whispered creepily over his shoulder. "He's coming for you."

"Whatever," Dick replied as he continued. After Dick got two more pages a little static started crossed his screen. Dick let go of the mouse and keyboard. "What did I do?"

"You didn't do anything, that's Slenderman." Wally said fiddling with his phone.

"Slenderman is causing the static?"

"Yeah, that's what happens when you look at him." Wally said. "Dude, turn around, you don't want to look at him, you'll die."

Dick turned his character around and headed in the opposite direction. He turned back and saw a really tall man with no face and he jumped. "What the heck is that?!"

"Slenderman! Run, dude! Don't just stand there!" Wally cried.

Dick ran until he came to a blue truck. He grabbed the page and turned. Slenderman stood just behind a tree. "Holy crap! Run, run, run, run!" Dick said running in the opposite direction. He turned back around and saw Slenderman getting closer. "Ah! He's following me! Why is he following me?! Stupid creeper!"

Dick ran straight between three trees, which was a big mistake. "I'm stuck! I'm stuck! BRO, I'M STUCK!"

He turned around and saw Slenderman right behind him. Dick screamed and jumped back into the couch and his laptop fell off his lap. Wally's laughter filled the room. "Screw you , Wally!" Dick cried batglaring the ginger.

Wally only laughter harder as Dick picked his laptop, "Dude, you should have seen your face!" Wally laughed.

"Shut up," Dick mumbled, "I am never playing that game again."

"Good thing I recorded it then," Wally said with a smirk.

Dick looked at him in horror. "You didn't."

Wally held up his phone, "Oh, but I did."

"You freaking jerk! Give me that camera!" Wally sped out of the room, laughing, with a very angry bird casing him.


End file.
